I am Georges. And, one night, in my sleep, I saw myself as a homosexual. I want to share with you two horrible reasons why I felt so scared, insisting that homosexuality should not be a nightmare.
In ordinary days, I try to imagine what it is and how it feels to be a Queer person in this modern society. Also, I often try to show understanding and support to the Queer community assuming the weight we put on them.
Then, one night, as if someone wanted me to see by myself above the imagination and the assumption and experience what it means to be a Queer person. In fact, in my sleep, I was getting married to another man.
Here are the two terrible things/feelings I noticed and I want to point out. Feel free to say what you think about those.
The first horrible feeling:
In my sleep, I tried to deny myself. I could not accept that I was getting married to another man. I tried to fight against myself, due to preconceived ideas, rejecting a life event that was normal. Then, what was supposed to be a dream became a nightmare.
But homosexuality should not be a nightmare!
I realize with what happened in my sleep how much the system that runs my body, my brain has been programmed by our reality and education and many other life circumstances not to accept homosexuals and trans-gendered persons…
The second horrible feeling:
The experience I had in my dream is the reality of the majority of Queer persons. In my sleep, I kept on asking myself: “how will I explain to my family and friends that I was getting married to another man?”.
In my sleep, I experienced the challenges, the fear that come along with be homosexual.. At least, for me, all of these lasted just for a short moment. Then I woke up very much relieved and happy that all these were a nightmare. But, being a Queer person should not be a nightmare.
In fact, I was relieved that I would not have to explain my sexual orientation and I would not have to to put in additional effort to accept myself as not part of the majority.
I blame myself for feeling the way I felt. It is horrible knowing that many queer person go through live with constant fears and their whole life feels just like the experience I had in my sleep.
Though, homosexuality must NOT be a nightmare.
If I kept on using the expression “in my sleep”, it is to avoid saying “in my nightmare” because homosexuality is must NOT be a nightmare. However, I cannot honestly call my experience a dream.
Here is what I believe: you can make someone’s life not be a nightmare. Show some love and understanding regardless of their sexual orientation, gender identity and, or expression. Ask genuine questions to understand, and do not judge when you do not understand yet.
If you get the chance, stand with the Queer community. Most importantly, be curious and supportive, keeping in mind that most of the time all you will have to do is to : “shut up and listen”.
Finally, I must be honest and confess that what happened in my sleep was not a dream to me. The way I felt, the fear of me getting married to another man: being homosexual felt like a nightmare. However, being a Queer person should NOT be a nightmare.